


changes

by hqten



Series: ten's sakuatsu angst week 2021 [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Death, sandcastles i guess??, there's nothing happy about this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-22 14:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30039810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hqten/pseuds/hqten
Summary: In the spring, the flowers grow back. The leaves return to the trees in shy shades of green, and the air is fresher.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: ten's sakuatsu angst week 2021 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2204862
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16
Collections: SakuAtsuAngstWeek





	changes

**Author's Note:**

> read the tags please !!
> 
> anyway yeah, for sakuatsu angst week, day six, prompt two : spring / summer / autumn / winter

In the spring, the flowers grow back. The leaves return to the trees in shy shades of green, and the air is fresher.

The lake by the house thaws over. When Sakusa walks past it, he sees the ducks and trailing behind them, little ducklings, already knowing how to swim. He’s reminded of how he and Atsumu always used to walk on this exact path, and Atsumu would stop to throw crumbs of whatever he was eating into the lake. Sakusa would scold him, while Atsumu would laugh and ask if he was jealous of a few ducks. He'd deny it, of course, and simply tell Atsumu that feeding ducks the wrong types of food could leave them deficient in certain nutrients.

They’d skimmed stones across the part of the lake where the ducks weren’t. Atsumu laughed when Sakusa failed to get his own stones to bounce; they determinedly plunged straight to the bottom while Atsumu’s effortlessly sprung up off the water surface.

Sakusa’s rebuttal was that skimming stones was pointless anyway and that Atsumu was showing off. That no matter how many times a stone bounced, it was inevitable that they would sink.

In the summer, the sun shines mockingly bright and the world seems oversaturated. The sky is blue and there’s not a cloud in sight and it feels like the weather is trying too hard to please everyone.

Sakusa visits a beach one night. He stands on the edge of the pier, watching the water ripple beneath him as the tide comes in. it’s calming, the knowledge that no matter what, the tide will return. He sits on the sand, grateful that nobody else is around at this time. 

He makes a sandcastle. The grains of sand feel odd under his nails, but it’s not the first time he’s done this. That was with Atsumu, when Atsumu dragged him on an impromptu trip because ‘you ain’t lived ‘til ya gone to the beach!’ Atsumu guided him as they constructed their sandcastle, and while it was slightly lopsided, Sakusa thought it was good for a first attempt.

Atsumu had rated it nine out of ten, declaring that it was missing the king. When Sakusa asked who the king was, Atsumu replied without hesitation.

“You.”

This sandcastle isn’t as good as that one. The sand is too damp and too soft and it’s too dark for Sakusa to properly see what he’s doing. He doesn’t give up, though. He finishes, steps back, and frowns. It’s crumbling, but it will do. he’s made something among the midst of nothingness and as stupid as it is, he tries to feel proud of his work.

Five minutes later and it’s already washed away by the tides.

In the autumn, the streets are littered with reds, browns, oranges, and yellows. Sakusa does his best to avoid the parts of the road where the leaves are damp and stick to the soles of his shoes. 

It’s colder as well. The warm breeze of the summer is gone, replaced by biting whips that dry the skin on Sakusa’s cheeks. The sun starts to set earlier; most days, the sky is dark before Sakusa gets home.

Sakusa thinks of the time Atsumu took them walking through the woods behind their home. They’d crashed through the piles of crisp leaves and twirled around until they were both out of breath and Sakusa was certain that his clothes were dirty but it didn’t really matter because he was smiling and more importantly, Atsumu was smiling.

They’d carved their initials into the bark of the biggest tree they could find and Sakusa wrapped his hand around Atsumu’s own and they kissed.

The tree was cut down four months later.

It’s winter now. Sakusa’s fingers freeze and he struggles to zip up his coat as he walks to the cemetery. It's not a long walk, but his feet and his legs and his heart are heavy, and maybe that’s a sign that he shouldn’t be going. He doesn’t want to, and has avoided it in the past, but today he’s forcing himself. because today marks exactly one year.

It’s been three hundred and sixty five days since Atsumu left.

Three hundred and sixty five sunrises, three hundred and sixty five sunsets, and a million more moments that Atsumu has missed.

And a million more to come.

He places a single black rose against the headstone. The grass over the grave has grown back, barely distinguishable from the untouched ground beside it. There are a multitude of memories underneath the blades, but they’ve been muted, ignored, buried.

It’s funny.

Despite Atsumu’s twenty five years on earth, the only evidence that he existed is a hole in the ground and a hole in Sakusa’s heart.

It’s funny.

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading!
> 
> my [twitter](https://twitter.com/hqtens)


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